come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
