so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
