I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
