i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
