The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
