my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize