it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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