dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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