I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
