At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
