he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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