those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
