I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
