some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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