I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
