Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
