i just had sex bonerless
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
