which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
