So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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