dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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