please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
