I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
