Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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