I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
