i already hear my dad disowning me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
