I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
