stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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