also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
