ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish you could order shots online.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
