Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need water and some morals
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
