May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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