3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
