some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
