thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am naked and annoyed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
