you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
