He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
