she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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