Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
