I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
