you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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