It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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