the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
