No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize