Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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