Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
