He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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