i love accidental penises.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize