You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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