what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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