I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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