my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had to cum in my sink.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
