So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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