Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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