I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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