Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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