I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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