she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to calm my uterus...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
