Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
