Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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