Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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