I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
