the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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