Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
