gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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