it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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