why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
