I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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