Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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