am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
