.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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