Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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