if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I skipped work to stalk him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
