so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
