every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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